Dear Mr. Heartbreaker

“Thank you for all the heartaches and headaches you gave me, I really appreciate you for always breaking my heart.”

For four years I had kept those words inside me hoping that someday I will have the courage to slap those words in your irritatingly cute face. Four years and until now I still can’t find the much needed determination to lift my hand, slap you and recite those words. How I wish life is as easy as movies where everybody seemed to have the force to slap anybody and still have the strength to recite their immortal lines.

Four years ago you forced me to give you my heart then broke it into a million pieces for all the birds and the ants to nibble. Four years ago I made a mistake of falling in love with you and until now I’m still gathering the bits and pieces of what was once my heart while you go on and enjoy your life as if nothing happened.

There is nothing I can do but sit in a corner and wallow in pain. I have to endure everything in silence because nobody seemed to understand that it was you who had the fault and not me. Or am I rationalizing again? Maybe I was at fault and I just did not realize it. Maybe I was wrong to give you my heart. Maybe I should have stood by my conviction not to give you the benefit of having it. But my emotions won out—a very rare feat indeed on you part. My emotions seldom win but it did that time—it was just a pity that it won on a very wrong time.

You forced me to love you openly and I was reluctant knowing that I could only get hurt. Was I wrong? Of course not, because just as I was handling you my heart in a silver platter adorned with chocolates and flowers you turned your back and let it fall—directly to the ground. Did you even see it shatter? Did you even hear it break?

A part of me hopes so and another part hopes otherwise. It’s bad enough that I allowed you do that to me, it would be worse to give you the benefit of seeing me in pain.

I used to hate you a lot and even dreamed of assassinating you myself. I used to think that vengeance is the answer to all the pain I felt. Then one day, I woke up and realized that hatred only makes me ugly. I realized that God probably did not create me for you; he created me for somebody much better than you. With that realization, my mind cleared and I started to forgive you for everything you did to me. I did not want to forget it though. Forgiveness allows us to sleep without little voices bothering us but forgetting will make us commit the same mistakes again.

I realized that despite the pain and devastation you caused me—I lost my social life because of you, I don’t have the right to hold a grudge against you because if truth be told, I learned a lot form that experience. I acknowledged the fact that if I continue to wallow in pain and hatred I will be restricting my self for its much needed improvement.

I can’t hate you forever but I can learn from the pain. I can forgive you but could not the lessons that your actions taught me. Despite everything, I still thank you for breaking heart because it made me strong.

It has been four years and I still have one thing left to tell you. I just hope you’ll realize that I had already let go you and forgave you. I just want to tell you, thank you it’s when you broke my heart apart that it became whole. Goodbye Mr. Heartbreaker, till we meet again.