those things

A lot of things happened since the last I posted here and went home.

I would be very honest to say that I didn't want to go back anymore. I had enough of Dumaguete. I had enough of NORSU. I had enough of the people here. But I can't bear to tell my parents that I'd rather stay at home and take care of my brother than come back to this place that I had grown to dislike.

I prayed fervently to God that he would find a way so I could stop schooling. Unfortunately, I don't think He wants me to. Still, I find it hard to drag and force myself to board the bus that would take me back here.

Many times this week I asked myself, should I be thankful that God took my uncle instead of my brother? Should I be thankful that in answer to my prayers, He took two lives instead?

I wish I could tell myself that I am glad to be back but reality is, I am not. I feel that I am wasting my time and my parents' money in going to a school whose teaching I am greatly dissatisfied. I wish I could feel glad that I am in school and studying instead of earning a living.

Unfortunately, I can't. I feel that I have learned enough already. If only my instructors wouldn't teach me to be as lazy as them, then probably I would learn to like school again. If only most teachers are not as substandard as the ones I unluckily have, I think I would learn to love my course again.

Since summer, i had already been contemplating about all these. i wanted to stop schooling already. I want to work already and leave this school behind. Or probably, like Riza, I want to finish my schooling elsewhere.

If I dropped or have incomplete marks in some subjects this year, its not only because I had lost my will to continue. It is also because every time I am inside the classroom I am tempted to strangle my instructors and shake their senses. Attending their classes is a waste of time, and I had been saying this all year.

If the same types of instructor would torment me this sem, I'd rather die or better yet, I'd rather stop schooling and work instead.