Formal attires minus the make-up, a daily routine of waking up and going to work, a daily serving of pancit canton. My life has become a cliche of everything I’ve always wanted to escape from. It has become a life of routines and endless monotony.
What I really need right now is a dose of adrenaline to break this monotony. I need a moment of excitement that would make waking up in the wee hours of the morning bearable. I need something to look forward to.
Truth is, I need a taste of my former life. Not the life of a student because it only means boredom without income. I need the excitement of news-gathering. I need the excitement of interviewing people, going to different places, riding habal-habal, walking kilometers of dirt road just to get a good story. I need the fulfillment of knowing that you are making a difference no matter how small it may be. I need to confirm to myself that my life is still worth living.
The worst thing about this job is not the irate callers I get everyday, it’s the routine. Everyday I wake knowing in detail what will happen on that day. The moment I open my eyes my body automatically moves like a robot doing the things it has always done before.
I do believe in the saying that no matter how high your salary is, if you don’t love what you are doing it will still feel like your dragging chains everyday. Sometimes I ask myself if it is still worth it. I love the financial independence it provides me. I love the fact that I earn more than the average Filipino. I love it that I can actually buy what I want and what I need as well as what the people I love needs. But is that all there is to it?
I am bearing the boredom because the pay is great. That’s a truth. But sometimes, even receiving the pay is not enough to relieve the stress.
I miss the pressure of journalism. I miss the pressure of passing an article on time, running after sources, and staying awake in the middle of the night and wee hours in the morning to finish an article. I miss squeezing my brain for ideas so I can finish topics assigned to me. I miss the pressure of coming up with a quality article and the pressure of receiving the corrected copy of it. I miss seeing the red ink outlining the things I did wrong and the data I need to make it better. But most of all, I miss the feeling of excitement whenever I wake up in the morning and wondering what will happen on that day.
Everything in my life now is the opposite of the life I love. Journalism may not be a good paying job but the fulfillment it gives you is something that no amount of money can ever pay. Likewise, thousands of pesos in salary is not enough to break the boredom of endless routines.
And after a year of being in this job, i realized one important thing about me--- journalism will always be my first and only love.
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