I wish I could cry, but my tears just won't fall...

Have you ever got that feeling? You feel so bad, so sad, so hurt inside and you wanted to cry so badly but no matter how hard you try you just can't cry. The feeling like your tear ducts are somehow sealed and all the emotions inside you are bottled up because they don't have anywhere else to go.

I've been feeling crazy the past few days now and I don't know why. There is this pain and this sadness inside me that I can't place. I don't know where this is coming from and I can't point a finger to where it is heading. There are times when I don't even know what I am doing or where I am going, I just keep on walking or staring or lying on my bed and gazing at nothingness. There are nights when I would suddenly wake up feeling the same unidentified pain inside me, wanting so much to cry but my tears just won't flow.

There are times when I would get pissed off by the people around me without any reason and I am trying so hard not to snap at them because I know its not worth it. I've been avoiding the office for days now and I don't know why. I used to love that place so much because it has served as my home for the past years that I had been in Dumaguete. All I know is, I have to get away from the people there, not for my own good but for their good.

I am not sure if what is happening to me is psychological or medical, or both. In a way I see it as the battle of my personalities. My emotions are trying so hard to be expressed but the logical part of me seemed to fight it off and reason out that there is no reason for me to cry because there is nothing to cry for. You can't just cry without a reason. That would be crazy, right? But on the other hand, I'm also thinking that this bout of depression is caused by eating too much sweets, junk foods and soft drinks. I know I shouldn't have eaten that much chocolate during the Dunkin Donuts Chocolate Festival.

I love chocolates and junk foods but too much chocolate really makes me moody and depressed. And to prove this point, here's an article I lifted from the internet:
"Chocolate may be used by some as a form of self-medication for dietary deficiencies (eg, magnesium) or to balance low levels of neurotransmitters involved in the regulation of mood, food intake, and compulsive behaviors (eg, serotonin and dopamine). Chocolate cravings are often episodic and fluctuate with hormonal changes just before and during the menses, which suggests a hormonal link and confirms the assumed gender-specific nature of chocolate cravings. Chocolate contains several biologically active constituents (methylxanthines, biogenic amines, and cannabinoid-like fatty acids), all of which potentially cause abnormal behaviors and psychological sensations that parallel those of other addictive substances. Most likely, a combination of chocolate's sensory characteristics, nutrient composition, and psychoactive ingredients, compounded with monthly hormonal fluctuations and mood swings among women, will ultimately form the model of chocolate cravings. Dietetics professionals must be aware that chocolate cravings are real. The psychopharmacologic and chemosensory effects of chocolate must be considered when formulating recommendations for overall healthful eating and for treatment of nutritionally related health issues."

That is not what I am trying to prove though. In fact, I am not trying to prove anything at all Maybe I just want to defend the fact that all the pressure that this semester has given is finally breaking my sanity and will surely be my ticket to some mental asylum if it doesn't lift soon.