Sometimes, I forget my age...

A lot of times I don't know what I am doing. A lot of times I would be reprimanded for being childish or for acting childishly.

In all honesty, I was never conscious of doing the things that I do. I act the way I want without thinking what the people around me will say. I never really cared about what they say. I always think that as long as I am not harming anybody in what I am doing then I can continue doing it.

I am not conscious that people looks at my behavior as childish or sometimes "inarte". I swear, I never forced myself to do such things. My behavior has always been normal to me. The way I speak, the way I think, the way I see things has always been normal to me. I always look at myself as normal and even if none of you would believe it, I never pretended.

I don't pretend to be younger than my age because I am quite proud to be twenty. I don't pretend to be childish because I think I am matured. I don't even see my actuations as childish. For me what I do is perfectly alright.

I am just surprised that people would look sometimes look at me in disgust and say, "wa kay bu-ot!" or "don't act like that coz you're not a child anymore". Maybe they thought I am merely acting so people would see me as some cute little thing who does not know what to do with her life and merely wants to get attention.

I never did. It was never an act. It is always the real me.

Sometimes I try to act the way they do and I think I look stupid. I tried wearing that red dress, the high heels. I tried wearing make-ups, put powder on my face, tried acting like the rest of the world but I only end up disgusted with my self.

Do I really have to pretend to be like other people for the world to accept me? Do I really have to wear skimpy dresses and killer stilletos to gain respect?

Sorry na ha...this is just the way I act. This is just the way I speak, the way I think. Sometimes, I don't know myself and oftentimes, I don't know how to act. I'm sorry if that disgusts you but this is just the way I am.