Dear self,

Hi, how are you? Fine?
Yeah right, I know you'll say that. But are you really? Come on, you know you can't lie to me. I am you remember?

You know sometimes, I don't want to be you anymore. Especially when you start hurting yourself and start to forget about the things you promised before.

You've been through a lot already and many times you've proven that you can get pass it and that God does find a way. Many times you've proven that God will not let you down. Many times you've overcome those trials. But you never really learn.

Actually, I think that's the problem with you. You never learn from the past. You never learn your mistakes. You keep on doing the same things again and again even if you already know the consequences of it. Don't you ever get tired of it?

Another thing, you lie even to yourself. You were never really honest to yourself. You keep on convincing yourself that everything is fine, that you are fine even if you are not. You keep on telling your self that you can do it alone even if you know that you can't and you need somebody to help you along the way.

You are proud and your pride will be your death. You can never accept that you are human and you are weak. You cannot accept your weakness. You hate it and you don't want it to overcome you. Well, that can be good but that can also be bad.

Look at you. You don't cry not because you can't but because you believe that crying is a weakness that must not infect you. You look at it like a disease. You can't accept it in yourself that you need somebody, you cannot be alone. You wanted to be independent even if you know that you still don't have the capacity to.

Look at you. You cannot even share your burden to your friends. You don't want them to see you weak because you want them to go on believing that you are somebody undaunted by the trivialities of life.

But are you? No. Never. You are a coward because you cannot learn to live with your weaknesses. You are a coward because you can never bring yourself to face your fears.

Yes, I pity you. And yes, I don't want to be you. But its so hard to be somebody else. Its so hard not be you because I can never be somebody but only you.

Confusing? Yeah right. You can say that again.