lost.

i'm lost. or at least i feel that i am. when before i know exactly what i want and how to get it, now i'm not sure. in fact, there are a lot of things in this world i am not sure of. there are a lot of things in my life that makes me question everything i did before.

i wonder if it was a good idea to stay. i wonder if i would have been happier if i just listened to my heart and left instead.

for many times now i found myself pondering if i am still happy doing the things that used to excite me. i found myself thinking that instead of the happiness that i used to feel, everything has only become a burden to my life. the thing that used to make me happy is also the one thing that makes me sad now.

i wanted to leave but couldn't also bear to leave. i turned my back to a lot of things that were dear to me because of it and now i am wondering if it was even worth it.

but whenever i see the people around me, hear their laughter, see their smiles i start to think that maybe i did right by staying. but whenever i am alone and ponder at everything that happened to my life, i am torn between staying and leaving.

if i left, maybe my life wouldn't be as complicated as this. but then again, maybe it will still be. maybe it was destined to be like this, maybe it will always end up this way regardless of my decision.

i will never know of course. its too late to go back and see what will happen. this is a moment too crucial for trial and errors. and in times like this, i wish i were a time traveler so i could go back and correct the mistakes that i did in my life. but i am not and never will so i will have no choice but face the consequences of whatever i did before.

i feel lost. it feels like i just closed my eyes and suddenly found myself in the middle of the ocean with nothing but a bamboo raft, a piece of stick as paddle and a torn cloth as sail. there is no land in sight and i feel so small and so helpless not knowing which direction to go.

only time can tell if i survive this tempest. only time can tell if i find my way back home.