just because...

i have been asking myself again and again why i get this nagging headache whenever i see your face or read your name. i just can't find any other explanation except that i am probably, heaven forbid, mildly (i hope) in love with you.

there, i've said it.

and again, i am asking myself why.

you are not that good looking ( i wish).

you are not charming ( the smile! oh Lord...the smile!).

you do not make my heart palpitate more than the usual when you smile ( again...THE SMILE).

and no matter how much i try to probe my innermost thoughts and feelings the only answer i can get is "just because"... no concrete reason. no detailed explanation. i just fell in love with you you stupid cute moron!

and you know what hurts? you don't know i exist. oh,yes you do know i exist but you don't care if i exist. for you, i will always be a little girl. just a little girl that you find cute and amusing and nothing more. you have a world of your own inhabited by you and the one you love (who of course loves you back---so much, if i may add).

and me? what will become of me? nothing. i'm just the little girl you met a long time ago (though i was far from being little and being a girl by then). i will just be here, forever imagining you smiling at me (no, i think that would kill me---but then, if your face is the last face i see before i die, then i wouldn't mind dying.--ang corny brod!).

so, i guess i don't have any other choice but to take a deep breathe and sigh. History just loves repeating itself. I'll get over you (i hope).