let's talk about THE FUTURE.

are you scared of the future? do you feel a spine-tingling feeling whenever you think of what the next few years would be like? did you ever catch yourself pushing the thoughts of the future out of your mind because you suddenly felt like you were free-falling without parachutes?

I say yes to all that--- and that's for a reason.

i am not afraid of future because i don't know what will happen. contrary to that, i fear the future because i know that it brings the consequences of all my mistakes.

i always believe that the past and the future are always connected. what you do in the past, you reap in the future. that's why it scares me. i think, the future is a ghost of the past especially summoned to haunt you and remind you how seriously you've screwed things up.

when you have made mistakes upon mistakes like i did, you sometimes find yourself wishing that you can pause the time and stop the sun from setting or rising. sometimes, it is easier to envision yourself dead than imagine yourself facing the consequences of your actions. at least when you are dead, nobody will expect you to do anything.

but you cannot stop the time. the sun will continue to rise and set while you simultaneously deal with the day to day business of living and surviving and at the same time secretly (and hopelessly) stuck in that one day (or one of those bajillion days) you wish you can go back to and change. someone should really try and give you an award for multi-tasking.

the future will come... faster than you think. time pass by faster when you don't want it to and before you know it, the future you are dreading is already staring at you in the face. that's the moment when you suddenly find yourself wishing life is a movie where you can simply say "cut!" when you want something to stop, hit "rewind" when you want to go back to a scene, or even say "take two!" when you want to change something.

as i have pointed out before, you can never win a fight against life because life never (ever!) fights fair. i think, somehow, it is the same with the future. stopping the future is as possible as stopping the sun from rising or the wind from blowing. it is simply impossible and you are utterly powerless to do anything about it.

as always, we have no choice but to face it no matter how dreadful it may be. it will not stop haunting you no matter how hard you run. running away from the future will only lead to more mistakes and more pasts and more ruined futures. besides, how long can you keep running?

you can never outrun the ghost of the past. you can never evade the future. that is fact, reality and truth.
and that is how life will always go.