is this because they said the world is about to end?

this time last year i was very excited for the new year. i knew 2012 will be different. i promised myself it will be different and at some point, i did find a way to keep my promise. this time last year, i was preparing for my birthday. excitedly crossing out things in my checklist. i was full of dreams for the coming year.

this year, i feel different. when i think of 2013, all i feel is dread and anxiety. i have a feeling that something is about to happen and it will be something that will impact my life in a major way. i am praying that i am wrong of course. i want to look at the bright side of life and keep on thinking about all the good things i can do in the coming year. i, however, cannot shake this feeling that i am going to regret a lot of things and will probably hate myself more than i do now. i have this feeling that whatever i want to do, i have to do it now or i will never have the chance to do it again. i hope not.

i wonder where all these doom and gloom feeling is coming from? i'd like to think that i have just been thinking too much and whatever it is i'm feeling now is nothing more than the usual female hormones mingled with a bit of paranoia in it. i guess i would rather be told that i am crazy than to find out that what i feel right now is right all along. the alternative is unimaginable and too painful even in theoretical or imaginary sense.

 i don't really know what will happen next. i don't know what's after this. one thing is certain, whatever it is i will do my best to face it.