some wounds don't heal

i am not the type of person who submits to my emotions easily but i am very particular about how other people treat me. i admit that sometimes I have a bad temper but i don't hold a grudge. oftentimes, as soon as i am able to express what i feel, i forget about it right away. i can't stay angry with someone for a long time because truth be told, i feel guilty for being angry with someone. i can never sustain hatred as much as i can sustain love. i don't always hold a grudge but when i do, it never goes away.

there are people you can't hate for a long time. these are people who got into your nerves at some point but still did something good in your life. then there are people you don't really like and who outwardly express that they don't like you. I prefer them and can forgive them easily than some people who pretends to like me and be nice to me then stab me from the back. Them, i can never forgive.

when you make me feel unwanted, unimportant, stupid and worthless, it hurts me but i can look away and understand that i am not the center of the universe and no one is obligated to like me. you are entitled to your opinion and i respect that. but if you smile at me and pretend that we are friends then backbite me every time i turn away, then i'll hate you with every fiber in my body because the betrayal of a friend is always more painful than the sword of an enemy.

but don't worry, even when i am deeply hurt i will not say anything or do anything. i am not afraid, i just don't believe it will make a difference. just don't be surprised if i changed, you made do it. i will control myself to the best of my ability. i will not say anything back because then i will only give you more reason to talk. i will prove you wrong and you will see why you shouldn't have done this to me.