What about them? They're not that special really. It's just that, I am really thankful to have them around even if we seldom talk to each other. Especially when I am going to sleep alone in our room, I am thankful to think that they are just on the other side. The light from their room seemed like a protective shield to me. I feel secured that I have companions even if they are not physically with me.
I realized that its like at home. I could only sleep really well when my brother is at home. It doesn't matter if he sleeps like a dead man, as long as he is inside the house I feel safe.
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They say that if you sleep thinking about happy thoughts you dream of happy things. So I wondered I had a nightmare early this morning.
I slept thinking of my brother and the comfort and security he gives then I woke up crying at around 4am because of a nightmare. huh?
It was really bizarre because I felt like I was dreaming inside my dream. In my dream, I see myself sleeping in bed beside my parents. Just like when I was a child. But in that dream, I was also dreaming. And its the dream inside the dream that bothers me.
In that dream, I was lying in fetal position on top of a concrete table. Just like in a laboratory. In fact, it looks like I was in a laboratory, only that I know its not a laboratory. I don't know how I know but I know that it was a morgue. I was lying on a table in a morgue.
I was there and my eyes are wide awake and I was listening to the two people talking in front of me. Well, not really in front of me. The other one was at the foot of the "table" while the other is on my right side. They were talking and I know they are talking about me. It was so vivid that I thought it was real.
Man: What's her name?
Man on the right side (MORS): Why do you have to know?
Man: What's her name?
MORS: Is it important?
Man: (transferred on my left side) What's her name?
MORS: Why?
Man: So, I can close her eye.
(exact words...especially the last one)
Then the Man placed his hands on my eyes and closed it. Then I can't breathe. Its as if somebody was sitting on my chest and at the same time covering my face with a pillow. I could feel (at the back of my mind) that my asthma is acting up and I have to wake up but I can't get out from the dream.
The man then proceeded to slice my wrist horizontally and I felt the pain. As in, I felt the actual pain in my wrist and I was surprised because I know was only dreaming. I told them to stop, that I could feel the pain, that I am still alive. But they continued slicing me as if they don't hear me at all. They sliced my wrist, then my side. I could feel the pain. Really feel the pain and yet I couldn't wake up.
I was shouting and crying. I was begging my parents to wake up, to wake me up because I know I will die if they don't wake me up. I couldn't breathe because I know I was having a mild asthma attack.
Then I woke up and found myself in my own bed. I was confused at first because I thought I was in another dream. The pain in my chest is still there and I was still having a little difficulty in breathing. I groped for my phone and looked for Cathy's number.
I got even more bewildered when Cathy's phone rang and I remembered that I didn't have load. But despite my confusion I kept on calling Cathy's number as well as those of my other friends. I got scared when nobody was answering even if I have been calling repeatedly.
What came into my mind was that, I either I was really dead (that's why people are not answering the phone) or I'm just dreaming again. I told myself that maybe the people are not answering the phone because I wasn't really dialing it. The thoughts made me pray so hard that somebody would answer the phone even if they would get angry at me for waking them up so early. I was so desperate to confirm my mortality that I kept on calling and calling.
I was so happy when Cathy answered the phone. I was already crying by then because I was so scared. But at the back of my mind I kept on assuring myself that I am alive because I am talking to Cathy.
I don't know...I really felt so scared and so stupid after...I mean, I seldom cry and I did for just a dream!...
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I felt so grown up the other day because I was looking for a job...
then I woke up this morning crying over some strange and stupid dream...
I'm so childish!
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My life has become another routine.
Wake up. Take a bath. Change. Go to school.
Internet. Eat. Internet. Eat.
Go home. Sleep.
What a sluggard!
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