'keep holding on...'

when dreams are not fulfilled, does it mean you have to let go of it?
What if you don't want to? What if you still want to hold on?
What if you never really had the slightest inclination to give up?
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Been on emoted mode the past days now.
This is what happens when you let a totally bored semi-insane Frog Princess daydream 70% of her waking hours then sit in front of the computer for the remaining 30% of the time.
This is what happens when the world's champion daydreamer suddenly wakes up and realize that her dreams will never become a reality.
This is what happens when the frog Princess is left alone for a long period of time.
This is what happens when a masochistic Frog Princess is allowed to Cyber-tour.
And this is what happens when she found things that she shouldn't have found even though she was looking for it.
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If God would ask me what part of me or my life I wanted changed, I would tell Him to change my Health records so I could fulfill my dream and become a soldier.
But hey! God will not do that anyway so...=(
umiyak ka na lang froglet...
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I want this emote mode off. But I don't know to.
I want to post in Pilipino again so I could practice but I don't know how to.
When I'm on emote mode I need to post in English so I could express myself.
I only post in Pilipino when I am in my "tinutopak" mode.
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You might ask, do I really cry because I can't fulfill my dream?
Yes...I did and I still do.
Period.
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I might go home this Holy Week. Already asked permission from my Papa if I could go home and he told me that I can, "anytime you want".

Don't need to think about it. I miss my brother so much already. Need to see him. Need to talk to him. Maybe he can shake me to my senses. Maybe he can end this emote modes.

See you soon Kuya!
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I wonder how long I could go on pretending that I am not hurt by any of these?
aw? A long time maybe...
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I can go on forever dreaming and wondering what my life would have been if I were born healthier. hayyy...

I can go on forever speculating what could have happened if I were a flirt like what my HS classmates used to describe me.
I can go on forever imagining what would have happened if I never thought things over and submitted to what I felt.

I can go on forever thinking that things would have been different if I did not choose what I chose.
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Let's keep it this way okay...
what's in my blog remains in my blog.
It's posted here for one reason only: I don't want to talk about it.
And when I say talk I mean the literal "talk".