A sleepwalker. Somebody who seemed conscious but is actually not. Somebody who seemed to live through life without realizing that the world does not revolve around, and is certainly not limited to, what I want.
When I became a member of the publication I became more aware of the things around me. I became observant and participative.I learned about being considerate and sympathetic. I was so ashamed to realize how apathetic I was before.
I used to think that my woes and aches are all that matters when there are actually others who have bigger problems than me.What a spoiled brat!
I think I could honestly say that though I had lived in this world for two decades already, I only started living almost four years ago when I joined the publication.
But I am awake now. Awake and aware. Aware and (hopefully) doing something.
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Last night, as Carla, Naknak and I were talking to each other outside our boarding house I blurted out that life is so complicated.
Its not the first that I have realized it. I have proven it many times.
Its just that, life is just so complicated that it sometimes makes me laugh and cry at the same time.
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The things that matters are not often seen by the naked eye.
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My life is not complicated. It's me who is complicated.
Sometimes I think I understand myself. But at times I am so unpredictable that even I, am surprised by my sudden mood swings. Sometimes I do things and say things that I can't even explain.
There are times when I am so confident and thinks that I can do anything as along as I put heart into it. But there are also times when I would look at myself and think that I am so hopeless.
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When I look in the mirror I always see a girl who is so unlucky to be born with my face.
uhmm. Let's just say that I used to tell myself that I should be contented with inner beauty until I realized that I don't seem to have one too.
I think no man will look at me twice. Or maybe if they would, it would be to make sure that what they are seeing is a human being.
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I think I have inferiority complex.
No, I know I have inferiority complex.
I feel so embarrassed when I have to face other people, especially males.
I am embarrassed by my appearance. Well, not the face really. I don't care if I am ugly.
I just don't want people thinking that I am malnourished.
And honestly, the frequent tendency of people to mistake me for a child (like 12 or 13 years old) is not contributing positively to my self esteem. Nakakawala ng self-confidence, promise!
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I don't think of myself as bad. I don't also think of myself as good.
I think of myself as HUMAN.
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Despite the years, I am still holding on to my dream. My ultimate dream.
I think I am so stupid for doing so because I know that its really impossible.
I mean, its so far from reality. And this is not just self-pity talking here.
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Still thinking of that stone...
forgive me Lord, I think I'm obsessed to it.
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Life is all about doing what makes you happy.
Uhmmm...if that is so then I would be eating chocolate and sleeping all my life.=)
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Kung sino mang masamang espiritu ang pumasok sa katawan ko, maawa ka na sa sarili mo! Lumabas ka!
Mga emoterang espiritu layuan niyo ako! Lumabas kayo sa katawan ko at nang matigil na ang ka-dramahang ito!
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hayy...i think I'm just hungry!
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