redundancy for better understanding

you know how i keep this blog and post anything i think of no matter how senseless those thoughts are? i don't do it just to express myself. i do it so i can know myself better, see my progress through the years, vent out my feelings and understand some things about me. you see, this blog is more for me than for any audience. i don't know if i even have an audience other than me. but this is my therapy; my coping mechanism. this is my way of dealing with the world and all the things i can't understand.

well, i have decided to do that in paper. i know. it is terribly redundant and most likely temporary. you know, another impulsive attempt at something that i know how to start never know how to finish. but there are just some things you can't post in a blog. although i have posted a lot of personal things about me, there are things i just can't share to the public. hence, the notebook.

you see, i have a lot of notebooks and ballpoint pens and yesterday i bought some more. while i was watching a koreannovela in youtube and worrying about what to do with the new things i bought, i suddenly had this urge to write everything i know about myself. so yes, i have this blog's version in paper although the paper version is more personal. i'm thinking of giving some of the notebooks to my friends have them write everything the know about me. why? because i want to know if my perception of myself is aligned with people's perception of me. not that i care about what people say about me, i just want to know if i am really who i think i am or is that just my self-righteous perception of myself. also, if someday i meet someone who wants to know me better, i wouldn't have to explain myself. i'll just hand over the notebooks tell that person to read it. just like a textbook.

anyway, i am also planning to go back to proper writing.  i can't decide yet what to write about though. no, scratch that. i have no idea what to write about. so let's see how i can keep this up.