there is something i have realized as a grown-up, i don't need to look for love because this is something i never lack. love is something i didn't have to ask for or definitely not something i have to beg for. love is something that has always been mine from the moment i was born in this world.
looking back to everything that ever happened to me and all the stupid things i did before, i am thankful all my attempts to kill myself never succeeded. i would have missed alot and would have died for nothing.
perhaps i never realized this before because i was surrounded by people who made me feel so alone and helpless. perhaps i was too self-centered to realize it before all the while thinking that nobody loved me because i am not perfect. i guess when you are a teenager, angst is always a part of your life.
but as time passed, my point of view changed and i learned to look at things differently. i realized that i am not the center of the universe and whatever persecution i am feeling is in my imagination only.
i was loved. i am loved. i've always been loved.
yes, there are who do not like me. yes, there are people who hates me. yes, there are people who does not care if i exist, if i get hurt, if i feel pain. there are people who will always cause me pain and who will never learn to love or like me. still, there are also people who loves me unconditionally and there will be people who will come and love me without judgement.
i don't care if the person i like does not like me back. there is pain but i'll get over it and someday, someone will come who will like me and love me.i don't care if there are people who doesn't care about my existence because most likely, i don't care about theirs as well. one of the greatest lessons i learned is that, as long as you have one person who loves you unconditionally life will always be worth living. i have more than one person who loves me, this i am sure of.
and lately, when i hear people tell me to look for someone who will love me, i just smile and shake my head because deep inside me i know that the kind of love given to me will always be greater than the love that they want me to find.
*today, July 8 2012 (MNL Time) is the 4th anniversary of this blog and this is my 1000th post. Thanks to everyone who stumbled on this blog, read the posts, left a comment, followed and endured 4 years of nonsense. Thank you so much. I'll do my best to blog better.^____^*
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