i've been having chest pains for some days now. sometimes it's bearable and other times it is not. i'm also having a hard time breathing. asthma, most likely. nothing new there.
for many days now, i've been so tired and impatient. physically, emotionally, mentally, and yes probably even psychologically i am at my limit. i am amazed at how my body can still go on with sheer force of will. if i don't tell myself to move, i doubt if it will even move.
there are days when i would be amazed that i am still alive. i often wake up with chest pains or migraines and lately, both. there are nights when i can hardly breath and just being able to open my eyes and hear my self breathing makes me thank God that i am still alive.
but i wonder for how long. i always believe i will never get past the age of 30. i don't know why but i've always thought of it. i don't know what is going to happen to me but i am ready for it. i know i haven't live a life without regrets but i am still ready to die.
everyday before i go to sleep i always ask myself, will i still be able to wake up? just in case i don't, then i want the world to know that even though i did things that i regret i still lived a happy life. i guess in the end that is all that matters.
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